Let’s face the real sense of it, English is a crazy language.
• There is no *egg* in *eggplant* or *ham* in *hamburger*; neither *apple* nor *pine* in *pineapple*. • English *muffins* weren’t invented in *England* or *French* fries in *France*. • *Sweetmeats* are *candies* while *sweetbreads*, which aren’t sweet, are *meat*. • We take English for granted but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that *quicksand* can work *slowly*, *boxing rings* are *square* and a *guinea pig* is neither from *Guinea* nor is it a pig*. And why is it that *writers write* but *fingers* don’t *fling*, *grocers* don’t *groce* and *hammers* don’t *ham*? • If the plural of *tooth* is *teeth*, why isn’t the plural of *booth* be *beeth*? • One *goose*, 2 *geese*. So, one *mouse*, 2 *meese*? • One index, 2 *indexes*? • Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make *amends* but not one *amend*? • If you have a bunch of *odds* and *ends* and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers *taught*, why didn’t preachers*praught*? • If a *vegetarian* eats *vegetables*, what does a *humanitarian* eat? • Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. • In what language do people *recite at a play* and *play at a recital*? • *Ship by truck* and *send cargo by ship*? • *Have noses that run* and *feet that smell*? How can a *slim chance* and a *fat chance* be the same, while a *wise man* and a *wise guy* are opposites? • You have, to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your *house can burn up* as it *burns down*, in which you *fill in* a form by *filling it out* and in which, an alarm *goes off* by *going on*. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human *race* which, of course, is not a *race* at all. That is why, when the stars are *out* they are *visible* but when the lights are *out* they are *invisible*. • PS: Why doesn’t *buick* rhyme with *quick*? To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed *UP* is special. • A drain must be opened *UP* because it is stopped *UP*. • We open *UP* a store in the morning but we close it *UP* at •NIGHT. We seem to be pretty mixed *UP* about *UP*! • To BE knowledgeable about the proper uses of *UP* look the word *UP* in the DICTIONARY. • In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes *UP* almost one quarter of the pages and can add *UP* to about thirty definitions. If you are *UP* to it, you might try building *UP* a list of the many ways *UP* is used. *UP*, when it doesn’t rain for a while, things dry *UP*. • One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it *UP* for now as my, time is *UP* so... it is time to shut *UP*! Now, it’s *UP* to you to decide what you are *UP* to with this post. |
Crazy English
Shared By Mark Flippo Kamal-deen Musah English literature and Linguistics June 19 at 6:44 PM · : English? Not so simple. Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. • A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a Heteronym/synonym. • Do you think that English is easy? I think a bored retired English teacher put this together. THIS IS GREAT! Please enjoy it and read it all the way to the end. This took a lot of work to put together! 1. The bandage was *wound/covering* around the *wound/damage*. 2. The farm was used to *produce/make happen- produce/product*. 3. The dump was so full that it had to *refuse/not allow* more *refuse/trash*. 4. We must *polish/make shine* the *Polish/European* furniture. 5. He could *lead/show the way* if he would get the *lead/lazy* out. 6. The soldier decided to *desert/leave* his *dessert/sweet food at the end of a meal* in the *desert/dry sandy place*. 7. Since there is no time like the *present/now*, he thought it was time to *present/give to* the *present/gift*. 8. A *bass/fish* was painted on the head of the *big/bass* drum. 9. When shot at, the *dove/bird-dove/flew into* into the bushes. 10. I did not *object/take offence* to the *object/noun*. 11. The insurance was *invalid/not legal* for the *invalid/handicapped*. 12. There was a *row/fight* among the oarsmen about how to *row/move*. 13. They were too *close/near* to the door to *close/shut* it. 14. The buck *does/causes* funny things when the *does/females* are present. 15. A seamstress and a *sewer/nitter* fell down into a *sewer/nasty* line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow/hog* to *sow/plant*. 17. The *wind/air* was too strong to *wind/curl up* the sail. 18. Upon seeing the *tear/rip* in the painting, I shed a *tear/water from eye*. 19. I had to *subject/person* the *subject/undergo* to a series of tests. 20. How can I *intimate/explain* this to my most *intimate/closest* friend? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. • There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word. That is *UP*. • It is easy to understand *UP* meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awake in the morning, why do we wake *UP*? • At a meeting, why does a topic come *UP*? • Why do we speak *UP* and why are the officers *UP* for? election and why is it *UP* to the secretary to write *UP* a report? • We call *UP* our friends and we use it to brighten *UP* a room, polish/shine *UP* the silver; we warm *UP* the leftovers and clean *UP* the kitchen. • We lock *UP* the house and some guys fix *UP* the old car. • At other times the little word has real special meaning. • People stir *UP* trouble, line *UP* for tickets, work *UP* an appetite and think *UP* excuses. It will take *UP* a lot of your time, but if you don’t give *UP*, you may wind *UP* with a hundred or more. • When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding *UP*, but when the sun comes out, we say it is clearing *UP*. • When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things *Crazy English* That was a major mouthful!!! I need a nap now! http://moderndayparablesrcf.com |